Voodoo floss

Hmmm so on Monday I gave myself a stern talking to which was unneccessary because I had a training session with the Beastmaster Mark Durnford and so had no choice but to drag myself out of bed, stick some trainers on and go out into the rain.  Note to self - don't tell your personal trainer that you're writing a blog as he will attempt to kill you to ensure you write nice things about him!  Those bloody steps.....that's all I'm going to say about that, and then that bloody hill....ditto, then the TRX in the mud and more hill..... all in the rain.  

Mark has kindly(?) offered to take pictures of me working out for the blog but I'm not sure my loyal readers are ready for the vision of loveliness I am, all sweaty in lycra!  (Although that might be an exaggeration as I'm pretty sure my readers can be counted on the fingers of one hand- Hi Mum!)

So after the monumental beasting I have to admit I was feeling in need of a little lie down, and somewhere to throw up.  I was also feeling distinctly bambi-legged and struggling to walk.  

One of the things Piers, the natural running coach pointed out to me was that I had limited hip and ankle mobility and that was probably contributing to my regular achilles tendon complaint.  He suggested I mobilise three times a day!  So while I was immobilised I checked through mobility wod for some ideas.  MWOD has introduced me to the pain ball (which is a rubber doggy chewball from Wilkinsons), the wine bottle (not for anaesthetic purposes), and voodo flossing!  I am now in possession of my own theraband for compression tack and flossing - you wrap it really, really, really tightly around the joint and then mobilise.  It works by releasing the fibres but also by forcing blood into the area to aid healing.  Weirdly after three sessions with the floss (very short ones because it bloody hurts!) on Tuesday I can finally walk although I did eschew my Moti run (yeah yeah I know excuses......).  

Now I just have to keep working on the MWODS for the ankle and hip and hopefully my hill running and step hopping will become less challenging (although I'm not going to tell Mark that, as he'll just find something equally horrendous to replace it).  Next instrument of torture on the cards is a rumble roller which is essentially a cylindrical pain ball, but I'm hoping it will cure my cellulite!

Beware Greeks bearing gifts...

I knew exercise was bad for you!  The natural running workshop was very interesting but painful and ever so slightly humiliating.  I should have known really that it would attract "proper" runners rather than those of the asthmatic and greedy labrador persuasion so I arrived at the RV at the water tower on Clifton Down a very VERY long time after the rest of the group, having tottered at a snail's pace up Whiteladies Road.  I hate hills, hills are stupid!  After a short(ish) break to recover my breathe we started some drills to get us into the habit of running naturally which basically means planting your foot beneath your hip, landing mainly on the forefoot and then pushing back instead of planting your heel out in front of you and pushing your body over the top of it.  So lots of lifting the knees and flicking the heels (sound familiar? - I felt like I was warming up for Army PT and I was already knackered from running up the bloody hill!)  Lots of the theory makes sense but I have never been a natural runner and so trying to run naturally felt weird and while it's supposed to be more efficient it certainly felt as if it took lots of energy to maintain.  Having been running twice in one day my achilles was complaining loudly so after the session I jogged slowly and painfully back down the hill to embrace a wine bottle to alleviate the pain. Not in the usual way unfortunately but as an alternative to a foam roller to attempt to massage out the niggles.
Saturday was supposed to bring a run or swim but I was knocked down by a massive apathy attack and an invitation to a barbecue by my lovely Greek neighbour.  Hmm exercise and diet scuppered in one fell swoop.  I went with such good intentions but was shanghai'd by some spinach and feta filo pastries.  Now don't even pretend that you would have been able to withstand their siren call!  I was however very proud that I managed to only have one small piece of cake and 2 small glasses of wine and then ripped myself away before I went crazy and was found in the kitchen smeared in chocolate and drinking wine out of the bottle.  I reassured myself that at least I hadn't been tempted to go and bake chocolate bacon cupcakes (yeah you heard me right - I saw them on facebook the other day and all I could think was how something so wrong could sound so bloody delicious!)


You'll note however that I have stopped talking about diet chef and that's because I am back on real food!!!  I couldn't help it ....once I made the move to go back to proper porridge it was too easy to decide to move on to real soup and then to spinach and feta filo pastries  healthy chicken stiry fries.  Sunday resulted in another apathy attack and so yet again I failed to get my bike fixed so I could go for a long cycle or get down to the pool.  I spent the day with the wine bottle and some more pastries (as my lovely Greek neighbour brought some down to say thank you for letting them use my garden for the barbecue) it would have been terribly rude to say no! (wouldn't it??) - if I havent't lost weight by Tuesday I may well cry (or be found in someone's kitchen smeared in chocolate, drinking wine out of the bottle)

TRX and death

Oh the things you talk about when you are being beasted around a park in the rain.......apparently death mostly!  All I can say is Mark Durnford needs to have a big warning sign attached to him as people seem to throw themselves in front of cars (not his car I hasten to add) whenever he's around.  So there were no complaints for me (well vocal ones) at the prospect of pad work in the rain in the park around Brandon Hill - I just nodded mutely in terror!.
Now anyone who lives in Bristol will know Brandon Hill which is topped by Cabot Tower all very lovely

 and picturesque, but unfortunately not something I was able to appreciate fully, while sweating up and down  said Hill (in the rain).


 Just to reinforce my belief that Personal Trainers (and Physios) somehow spiritually connect to the German SS; Mark found some steps that I could run up!  Any military folks who served in Germany in the time of BAOR or ARRC may well remember summer camp training at Vogelsang, which was originally built as a training academy for the Nazis, in particular Hitler Youth.  They will also remember, probably with a shudder, the steps that formed the basis of much of our early morning PT, over looked by an enromous statue representing some Germanic sporting ideal.

Despite assuring Mark that facing the steps would just bring back debilitating flashbacks that would result in me crying and gibbering on the floor I high-kneed it up the steps and jogged down endlessly (although it may in reality have been twice) and then just when I thought I was safe I found I had to jump up the steps two at a time, much to the amusement of a lady walking two small dogs.  I was right - I did end up gibbering on the floor but I have to admit it wasn't due to flashbacks.
I am always amazed at the way that PTs (and PTIs) are able to conjure up new and cunningly evil torture methods in open spaces with little or no equipment - and the TRX (or T Rex as I like to call it) is perfect for sustained torture in the open air or indoors if that is your particular fetish.  You can do press ups on it - bicep curls, tricepy torture, lunges, planky things, all manner of horridness.....that piece of kit is guaranteed to  make me swear.....Lots.
Being a glutton for punishment I had also (in a moment of madness) signed up for a natural running techniques class this evening with Piers Stockwell courtesy of MOTI.   Anyone knowing me will know how much I LOVE running and therefore the prospect of me spending a Friday evening learning how to run rather than being in the pub is pretty unbelievable, but hey it's taking my mind off the contemplation of DietChef Lamb Hotpot for dinner :-(

Swimming and Nandos

Now anyone who has known me for any length of time will know that I looooove my bed and it takes quite a lot to get me out of it (I slept through a mortar attack in Sarajevo to wake and find a very large crater outside our accommodation and everyone else having spent the night in the bomb shelter).  So it was with a distinct lack of enthusiasm that I turfed myself out of bed at 0630 to go swimming this morning.  Thursday mornings now belong to Mark Durnford at Create Fit for a 6 week swimming programme.  My newly found determination was slightly scuppered by the realisation that I couldn't find my swimming hat or goggles - I guess I (and everyone else) should have thought myself lucky that I could find my swimsuit.  Mad panic rush around the flat looking in every bag that I own...twice,  followed by a scamper up the road in the pouring rain muttering under my breathe that it was a stupid idea and maybe I should just go back to bed.  The other members of our 6 strong group had already started to warm up and it quickly became obvious that I was going to be the slowest swimmer in the group by a looooooooong way *sigh*.  The next hour was a blur of flailing arms, sweat and attempts to find new orifices to breathe through (and yes you can sweat underwater!)
  I sat out a few of the reps but finished 64 lengths (1280m) and wobbled my bambi legs to the shower and ultimately back home for some porridge *sigh* and a lie down.  I made my own porridge today rather than having the DietChef version which is vile and just tastes of fakeness bleurgh.  I have noticed a small problem with the snacks as I seem to be having two a day rather than one - although that will end soon because the biscuity things are all vile, while the crispy things are all ok and therefore I am gonna run out of those soon.  Took a little break to post a pink feather boa to my friend Charlie Martell who is setting off soon to row across the Pacific Ocean (for 5 months!) Pacific 2012, he plans to wear it on Ladies' Day during Cowes Week.  I am going to use the image of him rowing constantly every day for 5 months to drag me out of my apathy attacks so at the very least I can do at least an hour a day.
I am slowly facing up to the reality of what all fatties really know but consciously ignore - calories in needs to equal calories out.   Despite investing time and money into gym memberships and personal training I have constantly undermined any progress by eating like a greedy labrador and running like an arthritic one.          So after ham and sweetcorn chowder for lunch which was ok but too salty I cheered myself up with the thought of dinner at Nando's in the evening.  Now the plan at Nando's was a 'bring a boy' singles' night.  4 girls each bring a boy they aren't interested in and hey presto you have a blind date with 3 boys.  Less pressure, you meet people through friends and less awkward silences.  I've never been to Nando's but one of my friends is a crazy paleo-diet fiend and so thought it would be easy for her to just eat protein and veg.  In fact it was easy to order individually so no annoying discussions as to how to split the bill and I got a meal with a bottomless supply of soda water for a tenner.
It's a sign of how terrified I am of my personal trainer Mark Durnford ;-) that I took the soda water route because I was due a session with him the next morning. It's the first time in a very long time I've been out for dinner without wine and certainly the first time I've been on a date without the booze crutch.  I survived the experience although my conversation was obviously far less witty and intelligent than would normally be expected!   I also felt surprisingly full up (maybe my stomach is getting used to normal size rather than Bridget-sized portions!)

Apathy attacks and Porridge

Sooooo I have had a 3 day apathy attack - mainly induced by getting pissed on Saturday night and having to spend most of Sunday in bed.  This has had two effects - one I haven't done any exercise apart from press-ups and two I have eaten my bodyweight in chocolate and curry - apparently neither of these are conducive to weight loss!
I did however have the time to contemplate how I am going to achieve my goal, and more importantly what my goal is (other than some amorphous ideal of being thinner).  I went to a triathlon workshop organised by the lovely people at Moti http://www.mymoti.com/bristol/ and run by Andy Bullock who is a renowned triathlon coach http://www.escoach.co.uk/index.php. He got us to focus on goal setting and then looking at how we could actually achieve those goals, what things would be likely to scupper our plans and what things we could rely on to keep us going.
As it seems to be accepted that diet plays more of a part in weight loss than exercise I thought I would turn my mind to that subject.  I can't really be doing with crazy fad diets - paleo, Dukan etc but I do think that there is something in the GI diets that aim to keep blood sugar level and therefore insulin in check.  Being a sugar fiend I know that this is my downfall.  I also read recently that the most effective diets are actually the ones that are low in fat.  So low sugar, low fat and low GI carbs is what I should be aiming at (says the woman who had a biriyani with naan bread and a chocolate rabbit to eat yesterday!)
I found a living social offer for Diet Chef http://www.dietchef.co.uk for a week's worth of 3 meals a day plus a snack for £26.  As I spend stupid amounts on food (and my Mother is nagging me to save for a deposit for a house) I thought I would give it a go - in theory I shouldn't be able to kid myself about what I'm eating as I am only supposed to eat what's in the box and additional veggies and NOTHING else (yikes!)
The box turned up yesterday with the meal choices I had made (who plans every meal they are going to eat for a full 7 days ahead??) and I started this morning (hence the curry and chocolate yesterday).  I'm not normally very good with these sorts of things - I tried the weird eat nothing but horrid tasting milkshakes diet by LighterLife and I lasted 15 minutes - so I wasn't holding out much hope.
 The morning porridge - 40g of porridge oats with cocoa nibs with 120ml skimmed milk - was fairly unappetising, but I can get used to it and I found out I can use more milk as I have an allowance for tea and coffee which I don't drink.  Sweet potato and coconut soup was ok, but very salty and I had to have one of my teeny tiny carboard dark chocolate oat biscuits to cheer myself up immediately afterwards (I'm saving the other one for my mid afternoon craving which already makes me sound as if I'm on a desert island hoarding food).  The evening meals are all in microwaveable pouches and look ok - it's just that I'm not a fan of the fake additive aftertaste you get in these things.  However for £26 it's less than I would normally spend on food in a week (I am dreadfully wasteful and also treat myself all the time)so I thought I would see if it was a way of kick starting some weight loss and also weaning myself onto smaller portions without having to think too much about it - we shall see.
 I have to weigh myself and measure some bits of my body to see if the week of abstemiousness (abstemiosity?) makes a difference and if it does I might be encouraged to be stricter in my adherence to porridge, soup and an evening meal with lots of veggies and a small portion of brown rice, wholemeal pasta or sweet potato (and I might be able to save more towards that house my Mum wants me to buy!)

Day 1 cycling and chocolate

As my alarm clock wakes me at 7am (7am!! on a Saturday - normally I'm in an alcohol induced coma until at least midday when I am dragged from my bed by an urgent need to drink some water to allow me to peel my tongue from the roof of my mouth)  I give myself a very strong talking to and turf myself out of bed to make some porridge (I know it's good for you but I still haven't grown to love it - I'd much rather have bacon and eggs or eggs benedict or eggy muffins or kedgeree or .....you get the picture).  Having eaten my fuel (I still can't bring myself to think of it as food) I procrastinate for enough time for my fuel to settle and then head out into the rain (yes you heard that right- the rain!) to go to the gym to see how I manage a 10km cycle.  I can hear all the fitties laughing their socks off but I haven't been on a bike for about 2 years and I still haven't managed to get my road bike out of the cobwebs so I'm doing it indoors away from nasty smelly cars and more importantly out of the rain.  I've found a sprint triathlon training programme template - 12 weeks from zero to hero - but I'm in the pre-programme phase, hoping to build up some ability before I start (30th April) and I noticed that the test distances are 10km for bike, 3km for running and 500m for swimming.  So I'm going to find my times and see how I improve over time.  I had hoped to finish my 10km and then do 10 minutes running to see how I managed the transition but as I continued cycling I re-negotiated with myself and decided on 5 minutes and then managed 1minute 23 seconds before I decided I'd done enough.  Note to self - need to work on motivation..... My 10km bike time currently stands at 21minutes 43 seconds.   As a side challenge I am working towards being able to do 40 full ('boy') press ups (chest to the floor) - I can do 10 at the moment (on a good day, with the wind behind me) and the rest on my knees - so that's my daily challenge.  However after all my good intention I have an epic fail by heading to Thorntons in a search of left over Easter Eggs- one (small) chocolate bunny bites the dust :-D.  Will have to do a bit of gardening to make up for it and see if I can manage another bike session tomorrow to make up for my planned drinking session tonight.  Gonna have to keep this blog away from my trainer, Mark Durnford at http://createfit.com/ or he'll be throwing his hands up in horror.