Wearing a Crown 👑

It’s been a strange few weeks even by the standards of my COVID life.  The last 6 years I have become used to travelling to different countries, setting up a new “home” (if you judge home by the standards of Paul Young) (Gen X alert!), but doing it under the COVID restrictions, and not only moving myself to one location, but a husband and a cat to another, has been, I admit, ever so slightly stressful.    I suspect equally stressful for poor husb, for whom the moving between countries is not so normal and he had only “laid his hat” (pop song reference, not a euphemism) for about 18 months before he was made to pick it up again and scoot back to Tunisia…with a cat (again not a euphemism).   I was somewhat amused that the reaction of some of my Palestinian colleagues to this news was to assume that we were getting divorced, and the reaction of his Palestinian friends was to offer to find him another wife so he could stay!  (weirdly that just fortified my opinion that he would be better off in Tunis while I moved to Gaza).   The stress manifested itself in having coke and ice-cream for breakfast with a chaser of dairy milk, crisps and shwarma sandwiches for lunch and more ice-cream for dinner.  Unsurprisingly my body, skin and hair have objected to this approach.  7kg weight gain, spotty, lackluster skin and frizzy straw hair – I suspect husb was considering the new Palestinian wife option quite glad to escape.  I confess it was a bit of a blow after I had managed the initial stages of lockdown in Jerusalem by exercising regularly and even completed the BBC couch to 5km https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/get-inspired/43501261 (thanks Sarah Millican) as an excuse to get outdoors and so it really felt as if I had thrown away all the gains I had made.   With the prospect of 3 weeks strict quarantine, with cameras on my door, in my new home in Gaza, I decided to turn it into an opportunity to reset. 

 I started planning to make sure that I would have the resources I needed over 3 weeks to reset how I eat, how I exercise and how I manage my stress.  I am going to digress a little before I start on the planning and implementation of the rest because I need to put some of it into context.  Since hitting the menopause I have struggled with managing my weight (a lifelong issue but now so much more difficult – damn hormones!), and numerous other issues that I will abbreviate into sweaty, achey, moody, hairy, sleepy, itchy, tingly (and not in a good way) and above all not sexy.  I would urge any men reading this NOT to turn away now – we don’t talk about menopause enough and those of you who have a loved and valued woman in your life, whether it be lover, sister, mother, friend, you really need to know what they are going through.  You will experience elements of the “change” too because you may well be sleeping next to (only in the case of lover or friend I hope) a woman who is suffering from chronic lack of sleep, night sweats and the rest of you may be experiencing a woman who is leaving the keys in the fridge, angry ALL THE TIME,or alternatively sobbing for no apparent reason . 

For many women it is a really disorientating time, the lack of control over your body is terrifying, and there is also a sense of loss of youth, and visions of the inevitable path to the grave…alone…eaten by cats.  I spent the first two months of lockdown crying every morning, exhausted because I was kept awake by night sweats and uncontrollably angry and irritated by everything poor M did or didn’t do, especially asking why I was so angry all the time.  I am pretty sure he was wondering who had stolen his tolerably grumpy happy wife

and replaced her with this sweaty, angry harridan.  I ACHED all the time and I was wandering around in a muzzy fog, forgetting things or struggling to focus.  I began googling alzheimers because I really thought I was losing my marbles (and I have many lovely friends who would point out I am already missing a few).   I am supremely lucky that M is such a laid back individual and was so understanding (or maybe it was just that he couldn’t escape because of the lockdown), but even his happy go lucky tolerance was wearing thin and I realized this wasn’t a situation that could just continue because it was affecting my marriage, my work and my sanity.   For a very honest and funny explanation of what many women experience, I strongly suggest that you read Caitlin Moran’s article “argh, I’ve got a hormonal hangover” , unfortunately I can’t link to the article as you need a subscription to the Times, but linking to her twitter feed if you aren’t already following her is my gift to you for today – you are welcome. https://twitter.com/caitlinmoran/status/1280151777153859585?lang=en

I am lucky enough (lucky seems to be a theme here) to have an amazing network of women who support me through the adventure that is my life (if you want a bit of a backstory, check out my interview on Lauren Lyle’s podcast She’s a rec https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/s1-ep-9-bridget-forster/id1504240641?i=1000476017453) and one particular group are the ones I would categorise as the crones.  Now before anyone thinks that I am being insulting, I really am not. Crone comes from the word crown and it refers to the crown a woman receives when they enter into an era of wisdom, freedom, and personal power (thank you to the clever and still sickeningly gorgeous Gabby O’Meara for telling me this story at my 50^th birthday party).   These are my wise friends who generally no longer have mother responsibilities (or the worry that you might end up with them if they engage in any sort of sexy fun) and so are able to find their true selves and their own power (some are honorary crones).  Our whatsapp group is uplifting, supportive and informative.  I have learnt huge amounts from a very eclectic bunch ranging from fire fighters, nurses, teachers to a leather lingerie designer – all of them are adventurers.  We have had some interesting and empathetic discussions about menopause and peri-menopause and the pros and cons of HRT.  I have always been anti-chemical hormones and avoided the pill for most of my life, however after trying various herbal meno-support remedies I was at my wit’s end.  Fortuitously I came across an online weekend for women through Davina McCall’s Own Your Goals https://ownyourgoalsdavina.com/ which had a section on menopause by Dr Louise Newson https://www.menopausedoctor.co.uk/ .  After listening I decided that it was time to be a little more pro-active.  As I have health insurance through work I realized I could chuck some money at the problem and so I booked an appointment through her site to speak with a female menopause specialist.  My previous experience with a male doctor had been very much that the symptoms of menopause were inevitable and something that I pretty much had to suck up.  Amazing when you think that billions of dollars have been invested to ensure that 80 year old men can have a hard on!  Anyway moving away from that image (need to wring out my brain) I was told that even for a remote appointment I needed to be in the UK (stupid medical laws ☹) so I arranged to speak in August when I would be back in UK under quarantine.  I had an amazing discussion with a very sympathetic and empathetic doctor who reassured me this was not just one of those things women (or their loved ones) has to put up with.  She got me sorted with oestrogen, progesterone and testosterone and a blood test to monitor the effect of the testosterone, all delivered to my house in Cowes within a couple of days.  It’s been 2 months  and I can confirm that I am still not fully supplied with marbles but I got back the ones I was in possession of before I hit the big “M” milestone.  The tingles, aches and itches are mainly gone, my mood is mainly back to normal (don’t get me wrong I still get angry but that’s something a therapist really needs to deal with), the sweats have disappeared and I can finally SLEEP (apparently progesterone is a mild sedative and so taken at night helps a lot).  I am not yet sure I have got my sexy back (women’s self -image and their sensuality is a mightily complex thing) but at least I can focus again and with that I feel I have got some control back over my life.  If any of you are struggling out there – OYG is running a full day on menopause on Sunday 18^th October 2020 – you can register on facebook or on their website.  It includes exercise, nutrition advice and discussions with Dr Newsom.  If you miss it and can’t chuck money at the problem like I did (I do realise how lucky I am I promise) then there are loads of free resources on her site that are aimed at empowering women to make decisions that are right for them and to advocate with their GP for HRT that suits their needs not just whatever is available.  Also a book https://www.amazon.co.uk/Menopause-concise-manual-Concise-Manuals/dp/1785216422 if you want to read more about what is happening to your body, what is normal and what isn’t and what options there are out there.

I guess, now that I have the symptoms under control, I am reframing how I was thinking about this stage of womanhood.  We are encouraged to feel it is the end of sensuality, attractiveness, purpose, pretty much the end of everything really,  but I prefer to view it as  a time in my life when I am able to express my needs and opinions more freely without the constraints of needing to be attractive to men, I don’t have to hide any more or be nice/servile/compliant because my oestrogen is telling me to, I don’t have to put others’ needs before mine, I don’t have to comply with society’s image of a what a woman is.   I have a treasure trove of experience and knowledge hard won through years of fun but bad decisions, disobedience and drunkenness   my work, my travels, and my interactions with amazing peoples so now I do not accept that society wishes me to be invisible because I am no longer fertile, somehow abandoned by Western culture because the only use for a woman is to be attractive or to bear children.  I am a crone, and I am proud of the wisdom I have gained and the chronic liver failure scars that I have acquired while gaining it.    I think we should celebrate the “croning” as much as we celebrate a girl having her first period

 (I have been threatening my niece and godchild with a menstruation cake, for some reason she is currently not speaking to me her (fairy) godmother, no idea why), a woman’s marriage, the birth of her children.  When I am next back with friends and we can gather in more than 6s (more than 3s a coven right?!)  I shall get a crown cake made to celebrate all of the wise women I know who have become crones and I think maybe I shall start wearing a crown 👑 - not the tiara of the blushing bride or the drunken clubber,  but a full on crown - I have earned it  (although I might just start by wearing it around the house and leave the metaphorical crown for my outdoor persona).

Wholesome

Note to self: do not have a massive pissup the night before you start a full-on clean eating regime.  I spent day1 of whole30 lying on the sofa groaning and ready to murder a small child for a coke.  Luckily I had only prepared paleo food for the party so I had oodles of healthy whole30 compliant leftovers to eat.

I even had raspberries to put in my fizzy water to give myself the teeniest sugar boost or at least feel as if I was having a treat.  I did thank the Lord for the spicy nuts - definitely going to have to make another batch of those once I've inhaled the remains of the party nuts.  They are really easy to make - big bag of nuts in the oven to dry roast, melt some butter and mix in a handful of finely chopped rosemary, 1/2 tsp of cayenne, tsp of smoked paprika, 2 tsp brown sugar, add nuts, shake it all about, serve.
For anyone who doesn't get to suffer being bombarded with my endless status updates on Facebook, Whole30 is a 30 day 'clean up' regime where you eat clean, cutting out sugar, grains, legumes, and dairy (unfortunately cutting out sugar means cutting out alcohol - but my liver needed a rest anyway!)  Typically days 1-7 involve carb hangovers, headaches, tiredness and general grumpiness at not being able to reach for a choccy bar whenever you want.  It does however 'reset' your body to stop craving sugar and allows you to really taste what is in your food (fruit for example starts to taste really sweet and sugar laden desserts just become too sweet and overpowering).

Sooo my normal hangover snacks would include a big bag of chocolate, fat coke, tropical lucozade, some chinese style snacks from Sainsburys, and a takeaway curry with peshwari naan.  Saturday's regime included spiced chicken thighs, guacamole, spicy nuts, raw vegetable crudites, sweet potato fries and smoked paprika mayonnaise with sparking water and raspberries.  I also had some slow cooked pork and apple in the fridge so I heated that up and had it with guacamole for dinner.   I can't say there wasn't a huge tiny part of me that just wanted to inhale a large bar of Green & Black's, but I felt too ill to leave the house and buy chocolate stuck with it through sheer iron will and determination.

After about 12 hours sleep Day 2 dawned and I dragged myself bounced out of the flat to go to an open session at Crossfit to be greeted by "Wow, you actually made it!".  Hmmm I think I have been giving out the wrong impression as to my levels of dedication and determination.  Mistake number 2 of the weekend was to go to the open session without a plan.  Normally I have a workout in my head - 20 minutes of mobility, 20 minutes of technique work on something at which I do not excel (plenty to choose from!) and 20 minutes alternating strength and cardio for a minute each.  Everybit of me hurt today, including both my thoracic and lumbar so I wasn't happy doing deadlifts or squats.  I went for extra mobility,  and then 4 sets of 5 pullups with a green band and 10 sets of 10 american swings with 12kg.  Nothing very taxing but all stuff I haven't been able to do for about 6 months since my shoulder went mad and I had to shoot it.

Then I came home and rustled up a yummy paleo brunch.  I still can't say I'm not willing to kill passing strangers for craving chocolate, but I am going to weigh and measure my self now and that should be enough to make me cry more determined to stick to it for 30 days.

Silence is Golden?

Having broken my record for number of crossfit sessions attended in a week I turned off the alarm on Saturday and went back to bed.  I had an appointment with James Jowsey , sports therapist on Sunday and as he only had an hour he couldn't deal with all the wonky bits of my body.  We settled for just the achilles as I've been hobbling for a week after trying to crack double unders in last week's open session.  After an hour and a bit of performing weird and wonderful movements and being videoed, so I wouldn't forget my exercises, (I began to wonder whether I was actually on some kind of reality show to see how many daft things someone will do until they call it a day) I found myself  banned from running, jumping,skipping and hopping, which under normal circumstances would have me jumping clapping for joy.   However taking into account the limitations of my shoulder that pretty much leaves me with situps, squats and lunges (my butt is aching just thinking about it).  I am also allowed to do knock-kneed star jumps which make me look quite special!  Apparently I have very stretchy calves which have no power and therefore tug on the achilles everytime I try to do anything requiring bounce.
 Monday morning I headed to the box armed with my video.  I couldn't do the strength session of handstand push ups (even scaled on the box hurt too much) so I went back to turkish getups with a shoe (another way to look special, but it's supposed to be be rehab for my shoulder)  I felt pretty idiotic especially as I watched some of the girls perform amazing feats (Nina and Janine were down to 3 pads and one of the other girls managed 3 full HSPUs!)  Hmm I struggle even getting into a handstand (and that was before the shoulder injury!)
However I had no excuse not to do the WOD "Silence" - 5 rounds 1 minute pull ups, 1 minute burpees (bleurgh), 1 minute sumo deadlift high pulls 1 minute rest.  While I can manage about 3 pull ups with a green band I went with a blue because the shoulder was grumpy and also because I planned on doing more than 3 in the minute (I averaged 11 so I think I probably scaled it about right), burpees (lets not talk about those) and I kept the sumos under 20kg as the high pull was aggravating (to the shoulder not me).  For a 20 minute workout it really was pretty hard, but this evening after icing my shoulder and taking some ibuprofen it isn't as annoyed as I thought it would be, so I think despite feeling a little bit lame with having to keep weights low, I think I am scaling it right.
All in all it's been a bit of a crap week and that coinciding with raging hormones means I have fallen off the paleo wagon in style - curry, rice, naan bread, chocolate cake.  As I'd gone that far I finished it off with a whisky.  Bleurgh I haven't felt so ill from food in a very long time and to cap it all off I woke up, having slept oddly, with a trapped nerve in my neck.  Luckily I had a lunchtime crossfit session and so a combination of ice and ibuprofen meant that I could move it by the time I got to the box.  What a cracker today - warmed up with my knock-kneed, pigeon toed star jumps and then moved onto max time chair sits (boxes not rings) 65 seconds, 1km row for time 4 mins 20 secs, and then a team WOD involving a log (3 rounds for time 30 squats and 30 over and unders)  I had proper bambi legs after that one!

Having been brought up a Catholic I still am subject to feelings of guilt and so I have vowed to be paleo (apart from dairy because I had cream and ricotta in the fridge) for the rest of the week to try and get rid of the blubber I seem to be piling on again.  Don't get me wrong I really enjoy Paleo/Wholefood when I'm on it, but it does require a great deal of preparation; a large fridge and freezer, LOTS of tupperware, a hand blender, a food processor, a slow cooker and a mandolin.  So I decided to do some prep, I grated white and red cabbages, carrots and apple and them made mayo so I have 3 flavours of coleslaw (smokey paprika, curry and normal), then I roasted a pumpkin and a butternut squash I had hanging around and pureed the flesh and froze it in batches and then I made a sugar free meringue with the egg white left over from the mayo (to be eaten with whipped cream and blueberries).  Once I've got some guacamole and grated carrot salad I'll be back on track.   I'm even going to  slow cook a shoulder of pork with apple and ginger tomorrow so I have pulled pork to keep me away from the curry house.

I must I must...

I have said it before and I'll say it again - I'm sure exercise isn't good for you!!  Now I'm attempting to kick the apathy and I've had a quiet time at work I've kicked the arse out of crossfit this week.  4 days in a row and now I can't move (OK I'm exaggerating, I can move my eyelids).  Tuesday's WOD seemed fairly innocuous - 10 mins of  5 powercleans on the minute  and a 7 minute AMRAP of 7 thrusters and 35 doubleunders.  I scaled everything so as not to annoy the temperamental shoulder and concentrated on technique (getting the elbows through quickly and killing the elves (thanks Andrew for that one!)) and I did front squats instead of thrusters - light and low, and 110 skips instead of doubleunders.  So far so good.  I didn't feel too bad after that and so I blithely went along to Wednesday's class (I should have known it would be too good to last!)

50 40 30 20 10 russian swings and press ups.  I did some light and low back squat strength work first and then went light (12kg) with the swings and did the press ups off a (very tall) box to avoid the crappy form you get when you do them on your knees (thanks James for that one! I think...)  It was horrible.  I really didn't think your boobs could hurt after a workout but they did (and still do!).  However I remind myself that pressups make your boobs perky and now I can even make them jiggle if I tense my muscles (not sure exactly which muscles I've been tensing because to be honest I was trying to locate my lats and found my boobs doing a little dance).  
I didn't even think I had lats until James made us use a foam roller on them pre-workout and oh boy did I find them!   *sigh* yet another area of pain to add to the collection, good thing I don't appear to use them much.  For those who don't know, the lats are the ones on your back that when well-developed seem to spread out like wings (who needs red bull huh?)
 and give you a V shaped body.  (See photo of strange man wearing a fishing hat to do pullups.  Personally I think the 'lat look' as I am now going to call it, looks far more attractive on the lovely Kirsty - modelling the perfect painface during Tribal Clash).

My triceps are producing some exquisite agony too, which is proving embarrassing when I'm in public as I emit pathetic little pain noises every time I move my arms.  The answer to that was obviously to go to bed and stay there for a week with a big bar of chocolate keep going to crossfit and so Thursday was pull ups and turkish get ups day.  I know! perfect for a dodgy shoulder, but actually Coach Hulk Grogan showed my that now I can actually raise my arms over my head that I could do pull ups again and I didn't need to use every band in the box to achieve it.

He did look askance at me as I trundled to the rig with the two thickest bands that there were and then found that I almost catapulted myself out of the door using them.  I worked back down to a green which is where I was before my shoulder decided to take a sabbatical, so I did a little dance in my head (mainly because the rest of my body hurts too much to actually do a dance, little or otherwise).  Then we went for the WOD and I did my turkish getups with a shoe (yes you read that right!) because doing them with a shoe balanced on your palm is perfect rehab for a dodgy shoulder (thanks again James) (I did the other arm with 8kg, which is marginally pathetic, but I have a little bit of fear (not wholly irrational) about dropping a 12kg kettlebell on my head!
By this time I really was hurting....EVERYWHERE, but as I'd managed 3 sessions I thought I'd go for a record (for me) of 4 sessions in a week and as it was Friday 13th it would have been cowardly/superstitious to back out - bl&%dy hell I wish I had.  30 burpees, 40 wall balls, 50 double unders FOUR TIMEs, even reading it is horrific.   I negotiated 150 skips instead of double unders as I'm still hobbling after Sunday's attempt at mastering them and used a pitiful 3kg wall ball to the 9m mark (because I'm a hobbit!)  Even so it was truly revolting.

 I got to three rounds with 5 minutes to go on the 30 minute cut off time so I had to start (and unfortunately finish) the 4th round and every single burpee made me want to vomit.  At least I have learnt a couple of things - I should be putting flat palms rather than fingertip spider hands on the ground when I burpee (that might explain some of my shoulder problems!) and I think I might have found my wall ball technique (but don't tell anyone as I might have to start increasing the ball weight if they find out).  A strange bloke from the surrounding garages/workshops gave me a high five salute as I walked out of the box drenched in sweat and glowing like a tomato - I guess he must be impressed that a fat bird can do burpees ;-)

Box life

Sooo now the excitement of the Tribal Clash is over I am trying to quash the apathy attacks and the sugar demon and get back to my cavegirl lifestyle.  I have a little time before I'm back on whole30 but I don't want to blow it and I have been kicking the arse out of my dirty chocolate habit recently.  Luckily cavolo nero is back in the shops and as the weather has got a little chillier I have been able to indulge my meatball fetish (amazing with some smoked paprika and ground cumin).

 Despite being on remedials with my shoulder impingement and being told to properly ease off so I can relearn how to recruit my shoulder muscles I have had to knuckle down and stop avoiding the box.  I have no excuse as the coaches are more than happy to come up with new and fiendish alternatives to any of the exercises in the WODs that are not shoulder friendly so I can still stagger out of the box feeling as if I've been hit by a truck.

And that is how I was introduced to Santora; 3 sets of  5 x 1minute workouts with a minute to rest in between each set.  Even with my bespoke workout I still thought I might throw up at the end.  1 minute air squats, 1 minute shuttle runs, 1 minute deadlifts (60kg), 1 minute box jumps, 1 minute toes to wall (abs) - bleurgh - I was struggling to walk/move the next day.  Trying to run after a minute of airsquats is a bit like trying to run after you've spun around a broomstick 20 times - your legs just won't go in the same direction!
I took a few days off with another apathy attack and then headed to the open session on Sunday for some double under practice and a 20 minute deadlift and toes to wall WOD.  My achilles have been on fire ever since but I have had a little spark of fitness impetus and so have dragged (literally) my sorry ass to the box for more punishment this week while keeping the weight low and concentrating on my technique so I don't irritate the grumpy shoulder.  One day I'm sure I'll find it less difficult to motivate myself, and the apathy attacks will diminish.  Until then I shall just have to rely on peer pressure and the odd moments of self-loathing to keep me going.  At least I have cavolo nero and meatballs (and the odd compliment on my weight loss) to keep my spirits up.

The Tribe

Wow I'm feeling so inspired after an amazing weekend on the beach in Devon.  The Tribal Clash was immense - 100 teams from all over the country and a truly beautiful location.  Crossfit Avon had 5 teams entered (two of which were Masters teams).  The WODs were incredibly hardcore and while a teeny part of me would have loved to be part of the competition, the rest of me was relieved not be sweating blood and tears in the sunshine on the beach.  I did lose my voice cheering and screaming the teams on through their pain and exertion.  The sun shone the whole weekend and the Dartmouth regatta provided the backdrop to the spectacle.
The crossfit Avon camp (competitors and followers) was hard to miss, especially because of the yellow team t-shirts designed by the gorgeous Jules Hawkins.
 It was lovely to spend the evening around a fire pit, cooking clean food with the Avon family, with Dom's tunes banging out and Simon and Katriona mending the competitors after their exhausting day (I don't think I've ever seen so much rock tape!).  I was especially in awe of Cathy Smith who completed the second day with a broken rib.  All in all it was an awe-inspiring weekend (and not just
because of the topless men with their six-packs).



I was very proud to be part of the Avon 'yellow army' that weekend - where one of our teams got to the final and one of our Masters teams won the Masters' competition.  Very much looking forward to next year.

Cavegirl in the kitchen

As I no longer have the use of my arms or legs after Tuesday and Wednesday's WODs (and my shoulder is distinctly unhappy, so I am heeding the physio's advice and slacking off the Crossfit) I thought I would prepare for the weekend's camping at Tribal Clash.  We will be camped by the beach on Blackpool Sands near Dartmouth  with 100 Crossfit teams (hopefully crammed full of hotties!) and as I have been inspired by last weekend's camping trip I headed off to purchase a camping stove, table and other camping accessories.  As I everyone is likely to be fairly hardcore healthy I thought I had better play along.

 Soooo here is what a cavegirl takes camping:  Chicken kebabs from Sainsburys (or any other supermarket, or make your own), I can fry them on the stove and eat them with grated carrot salad, guacamole and courgette fritters.   I have bacon and eggs that I can fry for brekkie with a courgette fritter and readymade kofta kebabs that I can have for lunch with some homemade mayo, carrot salad and guacamole.  Supper on Saturday will be Ruby & White's awesome hamburgers with carrot salad and guacamole and fritters.  Same brekkie and lunch on Sunday as Saturday.  I am going to take some greek yogurt and blueberries along for sweet snacks along with some almonds.  I might also take some pork scratchings from the fab Mexican shop in Clifton - they are fully gluten free with no additives and they are a brilliant paleo alternative to crisps.
As will be very obvious the staples of my travelling menu are carrot salad, guacamole and courgette fritters.

 Carrot salad (this costs about 50p, maybe £1 with the olive oil and lemon juice)
4 carrots grated (I have a food processor and along with my hand blender, mandolin and slow cooker, it is a paleo necessity) - mixed with a big, big glug (no add a bit more) of your favourite extra virgin olive oil, salt, pepper, toasted cumin seeds, half a lemon or lime, maybe some crushed garlic and grated ginger if you fancy it.  That's it!  It really is beautifully sweet and fresh and I don't tire of it.

Guacamole
There are loads of different ways of making guacamole and mine often depends on what is in the fridge, but with my food processor I can make it in a few minutes.  As it is so quick to make I only make small batches unless I am feeding more than me.   Blitz half a red onion and then soak in water for a few minutes so it isn't so tangy on the breathe (I often don't bother doing this if I'm by myself and there are no hotties around), then put onion (without water) back in the processor with a tomato (or about 4 cherry tomatoes), half a finely chopped chilli (or chilli flakes if you don't have fresh), salt and pepper, juice of half a lime (or lemon), 1 avocado without skin or stone.  Blitz. Eat.

Courgette Fritters
These take a little longer to make as I make them in larger batches and I only have a very small non-stick frying pan [note to self, get bigger non-stick frying pan].  I grate 1 or 2 courgettes, mix with 2 eggs and a cup of almond flour or a couple of tablespoons of coconut flout.  Season to taste - I like spiciness so I add smoked paprika, salt and pepper, chilli flakes and freshly ground cumin.  Then I fry dollops in coconut oil for a couple of minutes on each side, squishing them flat to make sure they cook through.

One other thing that is a joy to eat is homemade mayonnaise and it's absolutely encouraged on both paleo and wholefood 30.  I have found a really quick way to make it that avoids the endless drizzling but you need a hand blender.  Check this video for the full instructions, but basically you get the hand blender beaker and add an egg yolk, 1tbsp water, 1 cup olive oil (not extra virgin as it's too strong, you could use avocado or walnut oil - don't use canola or other bad oils), salt and pepper (I add a bit of mustard and juice of 1/4-1/2 lemon)  Then put the blender in the beaker to the bottom and turn it on.  Mayonnaise appears before your eyes - keep going until you have a beaker of mayo.  Should take less than 2 minutes.  You can add flavourings such as garlic for aioli or a dash of smoked paprika or some chopped capers or anything really that suits your taste.